12 reasons same-sex marriage will ruin society [funny]

Hat tip to the brilliant writers at the Gator Gay-Straight Alliance based out of the University of Florida for this fantastic work!

12 reasons same-sex marriage will ruin society

1. Homosexuality is not natural, much like eyeglasses, polyester, and birth control are not natural.

2. Heterosexual marriages are valid because they produce children. Infertile couples and old people cannot get legally married because the world needs more children.

3. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children because straight parents only raise straight children.

4. Straight marriage will be less meaningful, since Britney Spears’s 55-hour just-for-fun marriage was meaningful.

5. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and it hasn’t changed at all: women are property, Blacks can’t marry Whites, and divorce is illegal.

6. Gay marriage should be decided by the people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of minorities.

7. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are always imposed on the entire country. That’s why we only have one religion in America.

8. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people makes you tall.

9. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage license.

10. Children can never succeed without both male and female role models at home. That’s why single parents are forbidden to raise children.

11. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. Heterosexual marriage has been around for a long time, and we could never adapt to new social norms because we haven’t adapted to cars or longer lifespans.

12. Civil unions, providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name are better, because a “separate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages will for gays & lesbians.

35 Responses to “12 reasons same-sex marriage will ruin society [funny]”

    • 2 Russ 13 February, 2012 at 6:28 pm

      no matter how much you try to make it acceptable, it will always be wrong to be gay, look at how many serial killers were gay,
      gay people fights their demons everyday because the truly know they are wrong for what they do,

      • 3 Max 9 June, 2012 at 1:06 pm

        I’m going to ignore the arrogant statement that you said. Because according to your logic, all gay people are serial killers. When I researched this matter (yes your comment pissed me off that much) I found that there were about 60 officially gay serial killers. I’ve seen more than 60 gay people, and let me tell you, none of them were serial killers.

        Now keep in mind, 10% of the world population is gay. Now, providing counter evidence to your theory, there are more than 600 serial killers out there. OK. If your argument was somewhat plausible, The number of gay serial killers would have to be more than 10% of regular serial killers.

        Besides,(this is the part where I generically argue for the right cause) being gay is not a choice. Anyone can be gay and you can’t stereotype, especially for a f**king homophobe like you. It’s people like you who want me to be Atheist. They know that being gay is not a choice and that there are no demons. Let me prove it to you. If there are demons right now, may they strike me dead as I type the period of this sentence. See? Nothing happened. I’m still typing. I’m still living.

      • 4 Matthew Landeen 15 June, 2012 at 1:02 am

        Im not going to bother with the obvious straight-serial killer argument.
        I’m not going to argue at all. My parents are straight so I know that some straights are perfectly suited to being balanced, tolerant, rational, and compassionate people.

        Having said that, I am gay. My husband of Five years (in Canada we have rights) and I raise a 13 year old child, she doesn’t think there is a thing wrong with me, she loves me, takes my advice, speaks openly about her feelings and experiences, and respects me. I Respect myself as well. I say this because you say gay people fight their demons everyday because they truly know they are wrong, Well I want you to know that some of us Gays are also perfectly suited to being balanced, tolerant, rational and compassionate people. I have no demons that plague me, I do have a family that loves me, a long line of friends (straight and gay) who do as well. I hope the same for you.

        The observed perspective that you don’t wish the same for others makes me think you might not be able to say any of these things for yourself. So I pity you. In fact I only replied to you so that people who might not have it as lucky as I do might read your comment and then mine and hopefully know their is nothing wrong with them….there is something wrong with people like you!

      • 5 Megan 18 June, 2012 at 5:36 pm

        you’re right your argument of “they’re wrong” stands up so steadily versus the clear and concise argument above. bravo russ, your ignorance is truly remarkable.

        in response to the serial killer argument, which again bravo to you, you truly have outdone your own stupidity with that clever remark, why don’t we just solve this issue head on and arrest people for being gay, before they begin to kill, because as you have taught us gay men and women are natural born killers..

        a nation under liberty and justice for all.
        ^except if you’re gay, right russ?!?

  1. 6 Comrade Ravenhawk 25 October, 2007 at 7:20 pm

    And they’re all so true, of course.

  2. 7 Charles Shirriff 26 October, 2007 at 7:45 pm

    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh – now I understand the argument.

  3. 8 Jamie 26 October, 2007 at 8:52 pm

    Engaging in sexual relations with someone of the same sex is immoral and unnatural. Prove otherwise!

    • 9 Nick 1 January, 2014 at 6:28 pm

      How is it unnatural? In Ancient Rome, most citizens were bisexual. Homosexuals have been around for a little while so saying that something that has been naturally happening for thousands of year is unnatural, is just unintelligent

  4. 10 paulitics 26 October, 2007 at 10:03 pm

    Issues of morality, by definition, can never be proven. It is precisely because of this important detail, that you remain hopelessly ignorant on such matters. (Besides, why would the burden of “proof” lie with me and not you anyway?)

  5. 11 eimaJ 2 November, 2007 at 7:32 pm

    comment deleted

  6. 12 Richard L Kunzer 8 November, 2007 at 9:49 pm

    There’s one issue that’s always missing in these same sex marriage/civil union debates – social security rights. John and I have been partnered for 44 years. He is 65. I am 63. We have worked all our lives. That’s 92 man work years. We have put tons of money into social security. If I die first, John will not see one penny of my SS. It will go to some lousy “spouse” who hasn’t worked one day and only for being a spouse. Ditto if he dies first.
    Where is the justice???

    John and I care little about marriage with its over 50% divorce rate. We DO want the same rights. We’re older and more concerned about this issue than the younger men, but you younger men might very be in the same position one day if you find a John like mine.


    • 13 J 28 January, 2010 at 12:13 pm

      Just want to put this out there – the divorce rate is not 50%, that’s a myth. It’s actually much, much lower, around 8% or so.

      Regardless, I hope someday your rights will be recognized.

  7. 14 paulitics 9 November, 2007 at 12:20 pm

    Richard – I thank you for your comment. I think your message that we’re dealing with human beings here and not just numbers and ideas, really needs to get out to more people — especially the bigots who actually seriously argue against same sex marriage.

  8. 15 Fidel 9 November, 2007 at 11:03 pm

    comment deleted

  9. 16 Benji 7 December, 2009 at 8:32 am

    Good details,thanks for share.

  10. 17 fernando 19 October, 2010 at 6:37 pm

    Great article. I had read it before (in spanish though). It is incredible the way people think these days… I just can´t understand people that say such things against same sex marriage. This law exists in Argentina since July this year, and people still don’t get it, and think being gay is a desease or something. Thanks for sharing!

  11. 18 Pat 27 February, 2011 at 1:10 am

    This whole article is completely ridiculous, because all points are predicated on the false propangadized belief that homosexuality is immutable

  12. 19 matt 2 October, 2011 at 2:37 pm

    How can straight parents only raise straight children? Gay children obviously came from straight parents

  13. 20 Pete 3 March, 2012 at 2:18 am

    I god meant there to be gays he would have created Adam and Steve not adam and eve

    • 21 Todd 17 May, 2012 at 9:01 pm

      Aloha Pete, I can understand your foundation, but I must question your theory. Did God (with a capital “G” as is proper since this is his name) not make Adam, or Steve? If God was not “okay” with the idea of homosexuality why do other animals, dolphins, bears, dogs, cats, snakes, spiders, and other animals mate with the same gender?
      The God I follow and preach about, is a just but vengeful God. He condemns those who need condemned, and lifts those in his spirit when needed. The love of God for all human kind was not exclusive when he sent Jesus to Earth, Plus in honest truth no words in Hebrew, Latin, or Yiddish convert to Gay, Lesbian, Homosexual, and none state Heterosexual. God was not worried about sex, but creation. If one was to give up natural urges to sleep with a sex for the other we would be telling God he made a mistake, which if I am correct on the teachings, God does not do.
      Br. Todd Hurst

  14. 22 Kevin 29 May, 2012 at 8:12 pm

    Some of you people piss me off. I don’t get why some of you hate gays. I’m a straight guy, and I see nothing wrong with people being gay. It’s just a fact of life that you’re going to have to deal with. Some people are going to be different than you, so why not just get over it and move on. I’ll never get people’s fixation on this subject. Yeah, people are gay, so what? Some of the realest people I know are gay, and I respect them for that. Maybe it’s just because I’m young but, I mean come on, I don’t understand what’s so wrong with people who are gay or lesbian that’s so bad?

  15. 23 Eliina 13 July, 2012 at 5:09 am

    Lmfao! Indeed!

  16. 24 Drew 5 November, 2012 at 4:45 pm

    ya know. i wont say im for gays. but i definitely will not say i hate them or think theyre wrong or immoral or any of that. they are who they are. but i dont care for them nonetheless.

    with me not being prejudice against gays being stated and in no way reflects on my next statement, what im concerned about is how much money is this gonna cost? i mean. we are changing the constitution. the foundation of our country. thats gotta cost quite a bit right? i wont say im right cause i dont actually know any figures or actual values but i can be almost positive it definitely wont be free. we americans and taxpayers have enough to be concerned for. we simply cant afford this. i dont think gay marriage should be illegal, but we cant afford to make it legal. not yet anyways.

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