Crazy, stupid and just plain weird things people google search for

Regular readers of Paulitics may remember that a while back I held the first annual ‘Paulies” awards for outstanding humorousness, weirdness or stupidty in a blog comment.

Well, I’ve collected all of the outrageous google search terms that people have used to find my blog and all I can say is that there are some weird people out there.

So, another round of Paulies are in order, this time, for the categories of overwhelming weirdness and outstanding stupidity in a google search term.

Just as before, it should be noted that much like the Oscars, yes, the Paulies are also political (and rigged). And, also like he Oscars, the Academy for the Paulies (i.e., me) considers it an honour just to be nominated.

For the first category: overwhelming weirdness in a google search term, the nominees are:

Paul’s thoughts on religion

For a while, I was actually the #1 search result when people searched for this. Seriously. Me. Not St. Paul. Not Pope John Paul II. Paul from Paulitics. Just more proof blogs are fantastic institutions.

list of top canadian people

Sorry to disappoint, but if you searched for “top canadian people” and google brought you to me, then google really has to work on their algorithm.

what can paul do me us

I don’t know whether this person was searching for me or Ron Paul, but either way, I highly doubt that either of us will be “doing” either “you” or “us”

famously undesirable quality

Ouch. Google this and and you get me?

commie

Okay, now this one I’m kinda proud of.

paulitics.wordpress.com

Somebody not understand how search engines on the internets work?

something to do for Paul

I don’t know, I could use a chauffeur to drive me places.

asian reporter

Seriously, I get at least 3 people finding my blog by searching for this every freakin’ day.

asian reporter trisha Takanawa

…Or this.

paul’s empire

DANCE minions, DANCE!

great Atheists

Again, I’m terribly sorry, you’ve searched for great atheists and found me.

what does communism say about children

It says we like children… FRIED!

What does astroglide smell like?

WTF?

funny jesus one lines

Umm…. no!

reality sucks

Why would somebody google search this??

testicular

I’m certain that this person didn’t find what they’re looking for. Please, please, please oh god let this person not have found what they were looking for!

all about hitler

That sounds like a variety show.

Ron Paul or Death!

Death!

And the winner of the Paulie is…

BEST JESUS QUOTES

“For my next miracle, I’m going to turn water into… FUNK!”

[cue music]

Now for the category you’ve all been waiting for…

In the second category: outstanding stupidity in a google search term, the nominees are:

how many legs do monkey have?

Are you kidding me?

ron paul personality

Sorry, he doesn’t have a personality to speak of.

When does sex start?

It starts shortly after you stop googling “when does sex start?”, and start meeting people!

is canada a capitalist or socialist country?

And they say the U.S. education system is deteriorating?

ron paul seems like a socialist

Well then.

But the hands down, uncontested winner of the Paulie is…

Why God doesn’t agree with socialism?

I’m truly speechless with this one. This person has clearly been told that “socialism makes baby Jesus cry” and so they decided that the place to go for the AUTHORITATIVE WORD OF GOD was a google search!

[cue music]

~~~

My girlfriend wants me to dedicate this post to her since she’s been telling me to do this for some time now.  So, I hope this was everything you had hoped it to be sweetie, happy anniversary!

23 Responses to “Crazy, stupid and just plain weird things people google search for”


  1. 1 John Nonconformist 19 October, 2007 at 11:26 pm

    Funny post! Ron Paul is my dude but I also enjoy the humorous side of things. Not all stereotypes are untrue.

    Something in it reminded of a few years back when I somehow managed to get a Super Bowl poll that I had on a crappy political related site a top 3 ranking in the engines for “Super Bowl poll” in the week leading up to the game. It got me thousands of hits. I wasn’t complaining a bit. I was even ranked ahead of nfl.com’s super bowl poll. The algorithm definitely isn’t perfect, but those imperfections can really benefit the little guy!

    BTW, check out my blog to see a strange coincidence from Rupert’s News.com.au article smearing Ron Paul. Look at the author’s last name and the name of the “expert” used. Mark’s Lie B.S. and Professor of Bats?

  2. 2 CfSR 20 October, 2007 at 12:46 am

    That’s great.

    Having written a post that includes “Dick Harris” and “naked mayor” in the topic is a good reminder that, for many users, the Internet is just a porn delivery system.

    One moment while I check.

    Yup…

    Still number 4 for in a Google search for naked dick.

  3. 3 Red Jenny 20 October, 2007 at 7:50 am

    *wipes eyes* Thanks for the laugh. This is hilarious. But you still didn’t answer my question: how many legs DOES a monkey have?

    • 4 Anna安那(舊時印度等國的輔幣單位)☮♥☺⊱✿ ✿⊰♚ ♛☀ ☁ ☂ ☃ ♡ ♬웃☂ Rutherfordiumרַב חֶסֶד 安娜是一個 freaken獸 κτήνος petoアンナは今までクールな女の子です 28 December, 2010 at 11:34 pm

      Hey Red Jenny you are making me laugh still that was my same question.

  4. 5 aradhanad 20 October, 2007 at 2:18 pm

    well, at least you aren’t #1, when someone types in the term “worst leftist blogs” …. that honour is sadly, mine! ;)

  5. 6 Michael 20 October, 2007 at 4:56 pm

    I don’t get why right wingers would use the argument of God in condemning socialism.

    Anyone who has read the sermon on the mount or the acts of the apostles should know that both Jesus and the early Christians were very much in favour of socialism.

  6. 7 Comrade Ravenhawk 21 October, 2007 at 8:36 pm

    I used to get crazy google hits with weird terms. But alas, since my move, the wierd hits have been sent elsewhere and I’m down to “[insert game I’ve ever posted anything about, ever] hacks/private servers” and “Socialist Games”

    I can’t wait till I get my pagerank back and get a little variety in my hits.

  7. 8 Kim 24 October, 2007 at 1:41 pm

    Like I keep telling you, God has a blog, therefore a Google search is relevant!

    (Yes, it was everything I hoped it would be.)

  8. 9 Big Guy in TB 24 October, 2007 at 9:28 pm

    To Michael:

    You wrote “Anyone who has read the sermon on the mount or the acts of the apostles should know that both Jesus and the early Christians were very much in favour of socialism”.

    Question: How should I know and how do I know it is true? Prove it to me.

  9. 10 Michael 25 October, 2007 at 11:40 am

    To Big Guy:

    I am not sure whether you are asking whether what is written in the Bible about the early Christians is true (in which case I can’t tell you; we have no way of verifying that as the accounts in the New testament were written, according to scholars, 40 or more years after Jesus died. We can’t prove or disprove whether the records in the New testament constitute an accurate record of what Jesus said and how the early church functioned.) or whether it is true that what I state is in the Bible actually is written there. The latter is more relevant, because a substantial number of right wingers seem to accept the Bible as the received word of God. Some allege that they believe everything in scripture literally. Quite apart from the problems of different extant texts, problems in translation etc., which I will not get into, the Bible often contradicts itself.

    However, back to the main point: read Acts. The early Christians lived as a community, sharing their resources, pretty much “to each according to his need, from each according to his ability”. Sounds like socialism to me. Plus Jesus exorts his public to give food, shelter, clothing, etc. to those in need. “When I was hungry you gave me to eat” etc. In other words, in addition to saying that the poor and meek will inherit the earth, and that it was easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of heaven (sounds like a condemnation of capitalism to me) he also encouraged egalitarianism and a social conscience in the here and now, not just the afterlife.

    None of these accounts are necessarily factually true, but Christians should at the very least attribute some meaning to them.

    • 11 Tristan 18 October, 2011 at 11:59 pm

      woah, hold on. first of all when he said the poor will inherit, he said the poor in spirit. meaning those who were broken over their sins. dont take things out of context. also, when he said the whole camel, needle thing, he was implying that it is impossible for a rich man to go to heaven, but it is also impossible for a poor man to go to heaven. but if there is an almighty God, then cant he do the impossible? couldn’t he fit a camel through the eye of a needle? we don’t save ourselves, God saves us. also, give me one example of the bible contradicting itself. while there are places such as eye for an eye, and turn the other cheek, you must understand that after Jesus came some rules no longer were needed. and turn the other cheek is often misquoted, its simply implying that Christians should not care what people think of us.

      if you would like to make some more comebacks, im ready

  10. 12 Craig Cameron 29 October, 2007 at 7:32 pm

    One of the funniest query strings I got on my blog was “Does Craig Cameron love me?” Just how advanced must the search algorithm be to determine who ‘me’ is and then work out if I really do love you.

  11. 13 van Rooinek 14 October, 2009 at 5:12 pm

    “….The early Christians lived as a community, sharing their resources, pretty much “to each according to his need, from each according to his ability”. Sounds like socialism to me…”

    Except for one massive problem. The Bible also says, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers!” If you share resources and property ownership with someone, inevitably your destinies are linked, at least on this earth. Common values make or break such an association, whether it’s a marriage, a business partnership, or a commune. If you “hold all things in common” with others who basically share your morality, fine well and good. From the beginning, some Christians have lived in socialistic communes with fellow Christians, and just to name a couple of examples, the Hutterites and some Catholic religous orders still do.

    But if you hold all things in common with people of a totally different morality, or none at all, the problem of moral choices in the allocation of resources will explode in your face. (Abortion and euthanasia in the proposed healthcare system come to mind as the most obvious of many possible examples.) This is why STATE socialism — which includes every citizen, Christian or not, by force of “law” — always recognizes that Christianity must be eliminated or marginalized. They can’t stand the moral challenge of Christian dissent.

    “…Plus Jesus exorts his public to give food, shelter, clothing, etc. to those in need….”

    This is private charity, NOT state expropriation and forcible redistribution. In the Old Testament, a 10% tax rate by a king is considered tyrannical! Show me a socialist state with a tax rate that low, and I’ve got oceanfront property in Nevada to sell you…

    Interestingly research indicates that conservative religous types give on average a lot more to charity (even excluding church tithes) than do liberals. This despite the fact that liberals have a 6% higher avg. income! Apparently the people who talk the most about helping the poor, do it the least. I suppose they prefer to help the poor with other people’s money instead of their own.

  12. 14 k;jgdrochvklyofiuclos 31 August, 2010 at 2:32 am

    hi i am an australian citizen and i love my friends and family <3 lol so i love too look up stupied things 4 fun lol ily and many more lol <3 ilovu guys
    xx and my sister is a fat piece of balonie

  13. 15 Doomsday 3 February, 2012 at 11:28 pm

    Hahahahahahaha 2012

  14. 16 Anonymous 15 June, 2012 at 3:30 pm

    Um. Try typing American thinks on Google. They think obama is a cactus. Hahahaha.

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    Americans think*

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  1. 1 My Ghillie » Crazy, stupid and just plain weird things people google search for Trackback on 19 October, 2007 at 11:13 pm

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